Back in the day when this happened, I’d been working solid 10 hour days. So when JJ called to say, "Hey, let’s finally get together." I thought, Yes, I can go out, get a drink, have some fun! I’ll admit I don’t know JJ very well, spoken with him a couple of times, thought he was good looking, but basically a blank slate. What an opportunity!
We spoke at 8 pm, and decided to get together for a late dinner, at 10 pm. I’d asked him he liked Thai and suggested a restaurant by my house. I get a call at 8:30, "Did you know that place is Thai? I’m off Thai. Bad bout of food poisoning." OK, I can understand that, maybe he misheard me. No problem, Let’s go to Lauriol Plaza.
Lauriol was a strategic decision as well. It was very close to my old house, so if things go right, conveniently located. If things go awry, I’m hardly inconvenienced. Plus, it’s raining. Who wants to go very far when it’s raining? You’ve got to make the boys work for at least a little, ladies!
I get home and decide to shower and change, as all good people do on a first date. I get a phone call at 9:00. "Why don’t we meet at 9:30?" Well, I want to change. I’ll see you at 10:00.
9:30, my phone rings. "You’re not going to believe this. It’ll be an hour for the cab. I’m going to the metro." 9:45, "I’m waiting for the yellow line, as the blue line’s taking forever." 10:00, "I’m on the green line." 10:05, "I’m at the metro stop. What are the directions to the restaurant." 10:15, "I’m at the restaurant, where are you?"
Somewhere in the midst of the 9:00 and 9:30 phone calls, I began to worry about my date a little. This has suddenly turned from a good idea to a really annoying one. I’ve called my friends for backup. They support the general date idea, but warn me to be careful. At least people now know where I am. Besides, he’s a cop, he can’t be that bad.
I’d gotten to the restaurant a little before him to order a drink. When he comes in, I think, now there’s a good looking guy. Then he says, "I need food. I’m grumpy." We get our table, sit down, and I say, maybe we could be annoyed for 5 minutes and then let it go? "No," says he, "I’m the one in control."
Oh you are are you? I knew right then that my instincts were correct. This would be a one date wonder, if I could even make it that far.
At that moment my margarita glass was empty, and the waiter appeared at my side. I ordered a sangria, and he advised me that it would be less expensive to order a half pitcher if I thought I would have more than two. Looking at my date, one more time, I turn to the waiter and say, I’m going to need a half pitcher.
It’s not that JJ didn’t have potential, but the list of first date don’ts grew far too long for me. Some examples:
1. Complete non sequiter, "I’ve kissed a man before." My response: How’d that work out for you?
2. Followed up with, "I’ve kissed a frog before." My response: Well, which was better the man or the frog?
3. A personal favorite: "Have you ever noticed how all the white people get off at one metro stop, and all the black people get off at another." My response: Well, that’s DC.
4. "This girl I hooked up with a few months back, well, we didn’t hook up, we dated, well, we didn’t date, we just went out, she left this sweatshirt at my house. She just emailed me and asked me to give it back. Like, I can’t believe that. What would you do?" My response, ummm, give her shirt back?
The end of the date come, without a single interesting tidbit shared. I’m thinking this guy’s a cop, and can’t even come up with a cool story about how he shook down some criminal, it’s not even worth my time.
We head out on the streets, and I take my leave. JJ shakes my hand, says, "How about a hug." Before I can respond, he moves in for a kiss. Argh! Ugh! I felt like I’d kissed a frog. I couldn’t believe this guy. Then I get a "call me when you get home!" Right! Why? To prove I’m crazy, like you.
Needless to say I don’t call him, but 12:00 rolls around and guess who’s on the phone…
No comments:
Post a Comment